Rank 8 of 14
The Bard
“Still waiting to go viral… any century now.”
The Bard wasn't born. He debuted. With eyeliner darker than his romantic past and a lute painted like a hot rod, he's been serenading the kingdom with questionable love songs and power ballads ever since he got kicked out of Bard School for being “too extra.”
He performs wherever there's a crowd: castle halls, taverns, peasant protests, even one particularly awkward royal funeral. Known for rhyming literally everything and starting every sentence with “This one's a classic,” he's beloved by fans and barely tolerated by everyone else.
He claims to have invented the medieval mixtape (scrolls tied with ribbon), tours with a homemade amplifier (powered by mild sorcery), and once dated a duchess, or so he says. Lyrical genius or just a loud guy with stage presence? Depends who you ask. Nobody denies he's entertaining.
Four copies, four lines
There are four Bard cards in the deck, and each one says something different.
- Still waiting to go viral… any century now.
- There is a rumor in the kingdom that he was sober once.
- Available for weddings, wars and questionable festivals.
- That friend who peaked in high school and still lives in that time.
In the game: beats ranks 1–7, loses to 9–14 and the Crown. See card ranks.
The real medieval bard
In Wales and Ireland, a bard was a trained professional, not a guy with a lute and a dream. Poets studied for years, wrote praise poems for the families who paid them, and kept those families' histories. They were also feared: in Irish tradition, a poet's satire could shame a king and raise blisters on his face.
Elsewhere in Europe, minstrels and jongleurs did the touring, playing courts, fairs and taverns for whoever paid. Our Bard got kicked out of Bard School. The real ones would have kicked him out faster.
More medieval jobs, and the world they live in: the world of Crown Shuffle.
Want to play the Bard?
Coming to Kickstarter in early 2027. Join the list for early-bird pricing.